Sailor's biggest challenge - and it's not what you think

I have to share an experience I had this morning. I walked to a bakery nearby and got myself a coffee, and decided to take the longer route back to the boat. A furniture warehouse on the way happened to be open already and all of sudden I found myself in there being amazed by antique furniture that had been individually found, selected and shipped to Fremantle from all over Asia. I couldn't help myself but took a few photos whilst obviously designing my dream cottage interior in my head. A fellow young woman walks past, clearly an employee, carrying pieces of furniture and I step aside to give her way and as I always do I say hello and smile (which by the way clearly is not a habit practiced by older sailors here at the sailing club!). Instead of carrying on she stops and puts her things down and absolutely makes my day, if not the whole week or past year by saying "May I just ask you, if you get highlights or if that is your natural hair colour?". Now, dear reader, you must understand that I am on my hairwash cycle day three. Which means my hair was put up on a high tight bun and this is the day when I least expected anyone to complement me let alone my hair! I was so uplifted that I went on explaining where I get my hair done and that I actually haven't had it done for 8 months now and won't before we return from a sailing trip. I thought that was it, just a quick compliment to a fellow blonde, but I was again pleasantly surprised when she continued the conversation without any rush and giving me her full attention. She noticed my accent and asked where I was from and turned out she was Irish and her story was very similar to mine - came for a holiday but fell in love. She loves the ocean on a surfboard like I love it underwater and under sails. We had so much in common and in a mere few minutes I felt like chatting to an old friend. But here comes the disappointment of not being eight years old anymore when I would have just asked if she wanted to come play with me - I started taking steps away. This was a stranger and I was leaving town. We have our own lives and own circles and surely we don't have time in our busy lives to make friends out of strangers. Why would we, what value would it bring to our lives? Surely I'm just imagining and she probably doesn't even think I'm that cool at all. We were still chatting, but she had already read my subtle body language of pulling away and so she started pulling away too. To round it all up she finally returned to our original topic and made sure she got the name of my hairdresser correct and I asked if it was okay to take some photos of the beautiful interior art in the warehouse. She collected her things and we continued on our paths.

I love it when people have enough courage (or curiosity!) to chat with strangers. Simply just her stopping to have a proper chat but especially complimenting me when I least expected it just absolutely made my day and charged my social batteries a lot. But then I got home and realised that what had felt like a small puddle of loneliness in the morning felt now like the vast depths of the oceans. These adventures we are having with Josh now that we are still young and fit to be comfortable sailing around in a small boat come with a cost. Not just financially (B.O.A.T. = bring out another thousand), but also socially. Sailor's biggest challenge isn't the raging storms of the roaring fourties or getting stuck in doldrums for weeks, or sleepless nights navigating treacherous uncharted waters - it's the loneliness. Not being there for your friends and family celebrating their big milestones and achievements or when they're having tough times. It also means that as a sailor you have no one to rely on and you have to learn to make it on your own - whether it is fixing a broken bilge pump or navigating through the endless depths of our own minds and emotions. Like the ocean the mind is sometimes calm and you can enjoy the smooth sailing in the perfect light breeze, and other times you just try to hang on when the ten meter waves smash you around. It takes just as much strength to battle the challenges of our minds as battling a physical illness.

This often times very isolating lifestyle that we have chosen causes such a dilemma we battle with every day. The excitement and fulfilment we get exploring the world together by sailing but also the quilt from not always being there for our friends and families. I know that the day will come when we will slow down and be there to the point that our loved ones will get sick of us, but for now we can only follow our need to wander and hope that we can catch the lost times back with our friends and families when the call of the ocean isn't as strong anymore. Where does this need to wander stems from? Well that's a whole other topic for another day. Keeping you in our thoughts. Everyday.

Fear of Sailing

Throat is all dried up. Legs feel like logs and refuse to move. Mind is blackened by the ever growing thundercloud that you could call anxiety - wallowing through the endless scenarios of all the things that could go wrong out on the sea and visions of the 30 meter rouge waves swallowing little boats like they were sticks. Last thing you'd want to do in this condition is to leave the marina.

Live footage of the storms this past winter here on the coast.

This is from Busselton Jetty.

Oh yes. This is all a true story about how I managed to develop a crippling fear of sailing this past winter. As you may know, the winter storms here around Perth in Western Australia are not pleasant. To be honest, most days under 20 meter vessels would struggle in the winter swell and some days even the big ferries have to cancel their trips. Josh being off every second week and me having only four days off with him together meant that we couldn't find any weather windows on our days off to take our boat out. Walking along the beach and the rock walls of the channel in Dawesville, staring at the three meter swells rolling in and the 40-60 knot winds breaking every wave out there until the whole horizon was nothing but whitecaps, whilst getting the icy rain hitting your face didn't really help my crippling anxiety at all.

Live footage of the scenarios playing in my head non stop.

There were many conversations over the dinner table. I even started getting this haunting feeling sneaking in if we had made a terrible mistake choosing this cruising life. It got so bad that when the summer finally arrived calming the seas and making the winds predictable again, I could not sail. There were few days when Josh was off when we could have taken the boat out to the sea, but I always found an excuse not to. I ran out of my excuses when it was finally time to sail the boat up to Mandurah for the haul out. It's an easy trip. Most often downwind, surfing the waves and only takes about an hour and a half. And just thinking about it made me stop breathing! I've never had such a feeling, I was seriously about to hug the toilet bowl just thinking about untying the lines and leaving the safety of a marina. I've always thought myself to be extremely resilient and strong minded - and there I was. Trying to find a way to tell my husband - and admitting myself - that I had severe anxiety about sailing. Me! I live on a sailboat! How could this be happening?

Josh ended up driving me up to a cafe next to the boatyard early in the morning of the haul out and sailing the boat with the assistance of our old sailing teacher. I was there greeting them when they arrived to the lift, and they were all smiles. It was strong winds that morning, but apparently the trip had been very pleasant surfing the waves downwind. I felt so defeated. These feelings I was battling with didn't help during the three weeks of boat work either. What was I working for? If I physically couldn't even take myself sailing, what is the point of all this hard work? Josh was obviously very understanding and patient with me through all this. What a partner!

After three weeks of work it was time to take the boat two hours south, back to the marina. This time it was just us two. Luckily we were so incredibly busy for the last three days that when they finally dipped us back in to the water I had had no time to think about this sail. I hadn't even checked the weather or the winds. All I knew was that at least the channel felt nice. Until we got out there. We did a mistake by not hoisting our mainsail in the channel already to give us some speed and stability, and after the channel we were greeted by moderate swell and strong breeze. I was at the helm, and I did not want to let go. It was the one thing I was in control of at that moment, and I couldn't physically get my fingers off the steering wheel. After a few heated arguments (mostly from my side) we decided to forget about trying to turn in the swell to hoist the sail and instead just motor all the way home. So silly, a sailor should know that a boat is less rocky if you have some sail up! I have never been more relieved than finally getting into the calm channel leading to our marina, out of the swell. After three long hours I could finally ease my grip. Or my anxiety released its grip on me.

After this we went straight on a holiday to visit family over the Christmas. I wrote a lot about my anxiety in my journals. I was trying to overcome it because we would be going for a five day sail training on our boat with our friends and a teacher when we got back home. There was a theory course we needed to do before the training, and whilst learning all the theory I came to realisation. I had forgotten nearly everything I had learned about sailing when I was working as a stewardess in the Whitsundays! Sitting on my butt in the marina for such a stormy, long winter I had forgotten how to read weather, how to navigate, how to plan a passage.. I realised, that nothing had changed. I have been through these winds and weather before, I have been in sticky situations on boats many times before and always came out winning. And that's because I had had the knowledge, the skills and experience and I had believed in myself. It wasn't sailing I was afraid of - it was my lack of confidence in myself that caused my anxiety.

I must admit, that during the first passage of the training trip I could feel the last bits of my anxiety holding on. That quickly disappeared, when it was my turn to take the helm and take us to a beautiful anchorage, spotting sea lions on a beach nearby and enjoying snacks. We reached many new speed records during the training, had many pleasant dinners and cups of wine, and swims in beautiful anchorages. We covered 135 nautical miles during our training, and despite manoeuvring our little Vellamo in tight marinas managed to keep her perfectly scratch free. We learned few new tricks and gained confidence in ourselves as cruisers and working as a team. By the end of the training looking at Josh enjoying the helm so much he couldn't stop smiling despite being cold and wet I can finally say with confidence, that I have lost my anxiety. At least for now. But hey, let's enjoy it while it lasts! And at least I know now how to get rid of it - by getting straight back on the saddle. Or in this case, behind the helm. Seven seas ahead ahoy!

First overseas trip!

Finland in the summer

Upon stepping my feet on to the soil of my partner’s homeland the direct and practical nature of the Finns’ I had heard so much about was showcased immediately. The border control personally came out of their booths to escort all the young families to the front of the queue whilst we were waiting for our immigration checks. Prioritising families with small kids is something that should definitely be a worldwide thing but I’ve never experienced before even though I have traveled quite a bit. Traveling is hard and tiring as it is - imagine trying to do it whilst caring for your children!

The next experience was the Finnish food. I had no expectations since Heli had told me it’s nothing special, but it is surprisingly delicious for what it is. Like most countries, the cuisine has been heavily influenced by its neighbour countries highlighting its local produce such as rye bread, berries, salmon and potatoes. A Finnish staple of sliced cheese and cucumber on a rye bread doesn’t sound that appealing, yet each of the three ingredients are world class quality, which always leaves you craving for more. This was the case with all the meals I enjoyed in Finland - simple and clean home food, but exceptional flavours due to the freshness and quality of each individual ingredient.

The considerate and practical nature of the progressive Finns’ is also highlighted in its cuisine. With an abundance of options for vegans, vegetarians and other dietary requirements which are just as, if not more delicious than the regular options. This abundance of options is not only found in restaurants and cafes but also in supermarkets and even little corner stores. The Finnish corner store also highlights the progressive Finns’ practical nature. These tiny little stores provide unique and brilliant services such as coffee grinders free for anyone to use and recycling dispensers which will take all empty bottles and exchange you store money. Simple and effective.

Helsinki is the capital city of Finland and even though it’s one of the youngest European cities, it’s still way older than any Australian building. Lots of people in Helsinki live in old stone block buildings in small apartments.

These little apartments are representative of its people. They are humble and beautiful, providing you with everything you need, rarely with anything extra.. besides saunas which most Finns would argue are a necessity, and after spending a significant amount of my time in saunas during my trip, I now understand. We will definitely have a sauna of our own one day.

Just outside of the capital city you are surrounded by nature. Seemingly endless forests and lakes with the classic “red house and a field of potatoes” nestled amongst them, which is the Finnish version of the American dream. During the summer months you can walk in most forest areas and eventually find a abundance of wild berries ready to be picked. I initially laughed at the invitation to come pick berries as my naive ego labeled it as a childish thing to do. But after dealing with horrible moose flies trying to eat us alive and spotting an uncomfortably fresh bear scat, bringing a bucket of hand picked berries home to use for the evening dessert brought me similar joy to catching and cooking a fish. It was extremely rewarding, a primal “hunter gathering” experience and I can’t wait to do it again.

Humble and resilient are both qualities seen in the character of every Finn. This could be due to the harsh weather conditions they endure each year from +30 to -30 degrees and from the sun never setting to only having three hours of light with the remaining dark hours muscling through snow. Or perhaps these qualities come from the struggle to gain and protect the country’s independence. Just a small glimpse into the country’s past 150 years shows this tiny population defending its territory numerous times against enemies far better equipped in numbers, supplies and equipment. Multiple David and Goliath stories have happened here, in some of the harshest conditions on the planet. Recognising how much tragedy this land has endured and how many sacrifices have been made to keep this country’s independence, a mere tourist can understand why the locals are so humble, considerate and practical but also very proud - because they are Finns and they have every right to be.

And yet.. No matter how humble, practical and modest people are we all need to blow off some steam from time to time, and it seems the most popular way to do so in Finland is karaoke. I have never seen so many karaoke bars in one location, and every time we entered a bar it was always crowded. Perhaps the humble nature of a Finn, a microphone and some drinks equates enough confidence for everyone to embrace a public sing along. Whatever that recipe was, it left me with a sore throat, a thumping headache and a big smile the next morning.

This was the first overseas trip I have done since the pandemic, but also the first time I have travelled with someone from start to finish and it was the most northern point of the world I have ever been to. Finland is an amazing country and my experience there was absolutely incredible. Heli, you were amazing tour guide, I feel very happy to have a Finn as my better half. Now with a ring as well. What a trip!

Safe travels to all, can’t wait for the next one,

Joshua